


Without you, I can't even

by UsagiChoi



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 02:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18356966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UsagiChoi/pseuds/UsagiChoi
Summary: Donghyuk has doubts about his relationship with Bobby. Will they overcome the situation?  It ended up kinda angst but it's got a happy ending.





	1. Where it all ends, it all begins

Donghyuk knew his decision had been a total mistake and he was missing what he had with his boyfriend. It might be egoistic to expect for forgiveness and more specifically a getting back together. However, he also knew that his boyfriend really loved him once and it was better risking it all than never taking a step forward.

_Dongu, baby. Would you like some chicken or some pizza?_ Jiwon asking to his baby boy whilst he wanted to spend sometime together as they normally did.

_Whatever you fancy, Bunny. I'm not picky today_. Donghyuk sounded hopeless, maybe more like emotionless.

_Is something wrong? You're worrying me_. Bobby pouted in doubt noticing Donghyuk wasn't acting like in their normal sleepovers.

_It's ok, Jiwon. Just get something to eat and then we can go to sleep_. This Donghyuk sounded so indifferent and Jiwon felt some shivers, not the usual and good ones.

Bobby became indeed bewildered by Dong's attitude. He thought the latter was probably tired and he didn't want to upset him. After all, Bobby had always tried to be the most understanding and caring boyfriend. He just wanted Donghyuk to be happy. So he decided to choose for food and give Dong some space. They could talk about the situation later, or the following day.

They ate some pizza. Donghyuk was not particularly eating, you could say he was forcibly doing it. Bobby couldn't help but feeling more and more worried and scared. Then Donghyuk finally spoke.

_We should break up.

_Hahaha, you're kidding, right?_ Answered Bobby nervously as though he knew all was true but he wanted it not to be.

_No jokes, Jiwon. I don't feel good lately. I'm willing to try more things, know more people. Hmmm... it's not your fault, you're great. But I feel stuck. I feel like missing any other opportunities. I wish regretting nothing._ Explained Donghyuk in a way that Jiwon shivered more intensively, scared of all the implications of Dongu's words.

_Baby, I don't know what to say... I wasn't expecting this... I love you with all my heart. You know, don't you? And I'm willing to make you happy every second of our lives.

_ Don't get me wrong. I know all that but it's not enough for me right now. I'm so sorry but I think it's not what I need at this moment of my life... Good night, Jiwon. I'll sleep in the guests room. Thanks for everything.

Donghyuk left and Jiwon was left behind there in the living room. He felt completely down, he felt his body too heavy to even move a muscle. Was it his fault? He recapped everything in his mind, specially since he had felt there'd been a change in Donghyuk. He wasn't sure about having done something wrong or something upsetting for his now gone boyfriend. Bobby began to feel guilty even though he was sure deep inside that it wasn't his fault...

**************

Bobby used to cry out when nobody noticed. He didn't get up of bed or get a shower unless it was really necessary for work or something. He felt devastated.

With time, he learnt Donghyuk was going out with a girl. She was an acquaintance of both. Jiwon had seen Donghyuk hanging around with her but he just thought it was due to business, not monkey business which happened to be the truth.

Bobby tried to text Dongu everyday, just to say hi or to check on his health and some other polite common questions. He couldn't stop talking to Donghyuk just like that. He at least tried to show some interest in his ex who happened not to care and, more drastically said, not to need any contact with Bobby.

Time continued as going by like this. Bobby decided to part ways. He changed work and hardly ever saw Donghyuk by that time. He needed clean this whole painful experience up his life. However, he didn't block Donghyuk from his contacts or his sns but they didn't use to talk that much. And Bobby had stopped spying and stalking on Donghyuk in any way possible. 

 


	2. One light at the end of the tunnel

A year had passed and Jiwon was still thinking about Donghyuk every second.  
As for Donghyuk, it was the same. He tried his best to make their new relationship work but it never happened. That girl was so preppy and stiff. She only wanted to show off about Donghyuk being with her but there was no genuine interest nor appreciation or even a bit of love and desire. So they ended up breaking up dramatically and awfully. Donghyuk immediately thought about calling Jiwon and ask for comfort and forgiveness. Nevertheless he knew that wasn't fair and he avoided that. He hadn't got the right to disturb Bobby with his breaking up situation. Not after how he broke up with Bobby.

They weren't in touch for about that year. Once in a while, they caught up by only stalking over social networks without eachother noticing it. Bobby still missed Donghyuk, but he didn't feel sad about being apart. Donghyuk on the other hand, was more and more rolling in the deep of his sorrow and missing Jiwon terribly.

It was New year's Eve now and Donghyuk was going to church at midnight as he used to do every year. He was lost within his thoughts about the good and the wrong things he'd done this soon to end year. There were so many things he was regretful for, he was looking for the learning process though, since he thought life was such. That everything gives you certain knowledge and even if you ends up suffering it you must always find something for improvement and getting over. No matter how things may change.

Of course, he didn't want things between Bobby and him to change. Nonetheless, he ironically had changed everything with his own decision. _Was he so foolish to believe Bobby would wait for him all his life whilst he was playing to "meeting other people"?_ Bobby was very kind and he knew how to forgive but Donghyuk thought even this was unprecedented. However, Donghyuk had a little bit of hope, if not to get Jiwon's love back, at least to keep his friendship. Because one way or another he needed him around.

Keep on going like this, thinking about all that, Donghyuk finally got to church. And let's be honest, to some extent, he was expecting to meet Bobby there, since both used to attend this kind of occasion. Unfortunately, Bobby wasn't anywhere and Donghyuk's heart broke again in the same spot it had been broken before.

The mass started and finished without issues. Then suddenly, Jiwon's mum approached and greeted him.

_ Long time no see, Dongdong!_ she said, on a bit of excitement and a bit of surprise.

_ How have you been, "mamma"? It's nice to see you. And..._ he dared to ask_ How come isn't Jiwon here with you for this special occasion?

_Listen, Donghyuk. You know I never allow him to miss this events but he's in the hospital. He had to get an emergency surgery due to an opened ulcer in his stomach_. Bobby's mum explained.

_ Oh, i see. Do you think I could pay him a visit, "mamma"?_ Donghyuk asked waiting for a favourable answer.

_ I think it's a good idea. You both should talk about certain situations_. And so mum gave him all the details to Dongu.


	3. Truth will set us free

Nor a single day was spent when Donghyuk hurried to meet Bobby at the hospital. He wasn't sure whether Jiwon would accept the visit but he could try at least. As he got 10 minutes earlier for the visiting hours, he had a cup of coffee and took the opportunity to clear up his mind while warming up his hands with that coffee on that cold day at the beginning of the year.

Finally, the time had arrived and decided to enter the room without announcing that to Bobby. And there was him, covered up with the hospital sheets, shivering with cold and joking around with a nurse about borrowing his jacket. So Jiwon turned towards the door and saw Donghyuk standing there.

_ Get in. Thanks for coming_. Bobby said without thinking of it so much.

_ Your mum told me when we met at church_. Donghyuk replied trying to justify his presence.

_ It's ok. You don't have to worry. Moreover... Well, nevermind, thanks for coming_. The words that Bobby had swallowed remained silent but not unintentional.

_ Jiwon, don't restrain yourself, please. Say it, What you were about to. That's why you got ulcers, due to keeping things inside you_. The younger was joking not seemingly unrespectful.

_ Hehehe. I'm very glad to see you. There... ¿Happy?_ Bobby answered among giggles and a childish tone of voice.

_ I'm so glad to see you too. Although not in the best conditions_. Donghyuk sounded childish as well.

None of them dared to say more about this reunion and merely chatted about Bobby's health and his leave from hospital which happened to be within a few days later.

**************************

_ Donghyuk, listen. It still hurts me, what happened between us. And I'm not sure whether I can see you as a friend_. Bobby said on the phone. Donghyuk froze.

_I understand you perfectly, Bobby. But I need you around. I'd like to keep your friendship at least_. Donghyuk confessed, sounding pitiful.

_ Let's discuss it later. Maybe later..._ Bobby added, knowing for sure this wasn't true but he didn't want to entirely hurt Donghyuk. He couldn't see him as a friend though.

Bobby wasn't indeed rejecting Donghyuk but the latter had only offered him a friendship and Bobby wished something more. He wished Donghyuk were in his embrace again, kissing him, having wild sex or making love to him, that they were a couple again. And the whole situation was all chaos and confusion since Dongu wished the same but he hadn't dared to ask it like that, due to his fear of rejection and the guilt he was carrying on him.

Some weeks passed by. Little by little, Donghyuk was doing things to win back Jiwon's love. One day he sent Bobby a box of chocolates. Other day, he gave Bobby a reservation for a petcafé since he loved animals and coffee. Donghyuk texted Bobby everyday and sent him songs. He sent memes as well and Donghyuk was flirty sometimes. Some other occasions, Dongu gave him accessories for his car, his house and his mobile. All this little details and gifts were not really little nor few, and Donghyuk thought they were of importance. Little did he know, he was kinda wrong.

Bobby was so confused though. On one hand, this whole situation made him happy but on the other he felt Donghyuk still wanted to be only friends. Bobby doubted because every time it was just the presents and Dongu never asked to get back together. When there was a reservation Dong let Bobby to go alone he didn't ask to go out with him either. It was really confusing.

The truth is that Donghyuk had the best intentions and wanted Bobby to feel loved and appreciated but Bobby's perception was different and all this method wasn't working as Donghyuk expected. And actually they wasn't getting back together not even closer.

_ I think this is all a mess. Donghyuk's feeling guilty after leaving you for another person but in reality he doesn't want to be with you anymore_. Chanwoo said, trying to brainwash Bobby, and we all know what were Chan intentions.

*******************

_ Maybe you're right. Anyway, I'd like to ask him directly_. Bobby was still confused, but thinking about make it all clear with Dongu.

_ Do it. If he breaks your heart one more time, I'll be here_. Chanwoo giggled and this was a half joke half truth statement.

_So Bobby decided to take some action._

*******************

_ I'm not sure, June. I know Bobby is happy about my gifts but nothing else is happening. Am I doing something wrong?_ Donghyuk was in doubt and needed and advice from June.

_ Something wrong? Yes. Everything. Hahahah well, no but... Listen. You're spending a lot of money on gifts and stuff but you're not being clear. Have you opened up? And I mean Have you asked him to get back together? Or how about this, have you asked him out when you set all those special events and reservations? You just let him go alone!!_ June was very inquisitive and it was likely that finally Donghyuk got the point.

_ June, you're so smart! I've been preparing all those gifts and giving Bobby his own space but I haven't been direct and sincere about my feelings. I thought he would figure it out or that he might ask me out with him and it didn't happen.

_ Of course not, Donguya! Remember the last sincere thing you said to Bobby was about being friends. Here and everywhere that means "friend zone" So, think it better you dumbass_. June was mocking Donghyuk in a very eloquent speech.

_ I've been so stupid. You're perfectly right, Koo Koo-ne!

_So Donghyuk decided to take some action._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_  
_AN:_ there's only one chapter left after this one. Please continue with us till the end. Thank you <3


	4. I can't even without you

  
That morning, Bobby got up early and he was getting ready. He had decided to talk to Donghyuk, make everything clear between them. When the phone suddenly vibrated making him skip a bit. Speaking of the devil, it was Dongdong calling him.

_ Hello, gorgeous. I mean... hello Donguya. How are you?_ Bobby said shyly but flirty.

_ Not that gorgeous as you, though_. Dongu laughed and kept on_ I'm ok, baby although I need a favour to ask you.

_ If it's in my possibilities, I'll gladly do so_. Bobby offered with no hesitation.

_ Great! So... Would you come for something to drink with me?... Indeed, we need talk about some situation that is confusing me.

_ STFU! I mean... For sure. The thing is, I'm confused about something as well and I was thinking of visiting you today. Is it ok today?_ Jiwon asked as polite as he could be.

_ Sure, no problem. Shall I pick you up at 12? By your house?_ Donghyuk asked, more like a suggestion.

_ It's perfect. See you then.

The following couple of hours felt like an eternity to both guys.  Bobby was ready since the morning just wandering around and Donghyuk spent his time trying out several outfits until he found the one, one that he approved which would be approved by Bobby as well.

Donghyuk appeared at the exact time he agreed to, Bobby appeared almost immediately after.

So both walked towards the nearest coffee shop knowing that was the best option, the fastest and the most comfortable to chat without being interrupted. After all this time, they still seemed to read eachother minds. They fitted and matched very well together that nothing around them mattered, even if it were the end of the world.

Bobby, in his usual shyness, got closer to Donghyuk and grabbed him by the wrist, who seemed not to react. Little by little, Jiwon's fingers were running through Donghyuk's palm smoothly. Bobby could feel Donghyuk's temperature increasing and he glanced a light red pigmentation all over Donghyuk's cheeks. So finally Bobby wove his fingers with Donghyuk's little chubby ones. Donghyuk warmly accepted to hold Jiwon hand. And they kept on walking.

_ I can't bear it anymore_. Donghyuk stop walking to loosen Bobby's hand, just a few blocks before getting to the coffee shop. He stared at Bobby who seemed worried.

_ Did I do anything wrong?_ Jiwon asked as if he were about to cry, wet eyes indeed.

_ No, baby!_. Donghyuk tried to explain in a tender tone of voice while he wiped the tears on Jiwon face and continued talking_ The one that did everything wrong was me and I want to apologise, for real. Bobby observed.

_ Fuck it! That's not necessary_. Bobby claimed and without thinking much he kissed Donghyuk on the lips desperately.

He had missed so much the warmth of Donghyuk's cheeks, the softness of his lips, the humidity of his mouth and the strength of his tongue. _How come did we spend so much time far from eachother?!_ Jiwon thought. _How did I manage to survive without you, my love?_ He was still thinking while kissing Donghyuk.

Inside Donghyuk's mind, something similar was happening. _I was so stupid over not looking for you properly this whole time. Wow! you're still a pretty good kisser and the best thing is that this is telling me you keep on loving me_.

Then they stopped kissing. Bobby took Dongu's face between his hands, nose to nose, like glued together, and he asked:

_ What was your apology for? For being the fairest creature in the world? Well, I'm so sorry but I can't forgive you for that_. So Bobby giggled sincerely and cute and felt content as he hadn't done for some time so far.

_ What?! You dumbass, this is serious! I'd like to apologise for leaving you... For giving you all that gifts but never being present telling you supportive and loving words... I took everything for granted. But that's it! I really wanna be with you for the rest of our lives. I don't wanna lose you again. I don't wanna meet other people. I must keep you by my side. I can't even without you.

_ I think the same way, baby. However, I thought you only like me as a friend now. I was so fxxxing confused and lonely in spite of all the attention you were giving me through those presents and stuff.

_ I was stupid managing all that as well. But I was afraid of being rejected.

_ Perhaps the most stupid here it's myself, Dongi, but I will always forgive you for anything. I can't believe my life without you. It can't be called "a life"... I accept your proposal of not leaving me anymore. I hope you fulfill it...

_ You may tie me in your basement so that I couldn't escape_. Donghyuk was teasing in giggles.

_ Easy, kid! We just got back together and you're already heating my system. Nah! Let's keep on being corny and cheesy for a while. Things will come at the exact time later_. Bobby suggested chuckling while hugging Dongu.

_ May I love you again, Kim Jiwon? Would you allow me?_ Donghyuk asked by looking tenderly and meaningfully into Bobby's eyes.

_ Yes, love me for the rest of our lives, Kim Donghyuk. And I promise to love you in return_. Bobby held him tighter and attached Donghyuk to his chest. So that they could kiss afterwards one more time.

Surprisingly, it looked as though they were never apart from eachother but at the same time this break up ended in jointed them even more.

After the second kiss, Bobby started thinking about having kids, and if Donghyuk didn't want to lose his gorgeous figure they might adopt or even adopting some dogs was also a good option...

_ What are you thinking of, my love?_ Dongu inquired since Bobby appeared to be day dreaming.

_ Thinking of how to call our children and our dogs_. Bobby explained as serious as a real family man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Thanks everyone. This is the end for now. I hope you' ve liked it. Please feel free to comment or share or whatever you need :))


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